Friday, 28 September 2018

My breastfeeding journey so far...

Breastfeeding, the most beautiful natural thing a mother can do/provide for her child. It's such a blessing that I am able to do this and I only wish I had started this wonderful journey sooner with my first two children who were both formula fed (before anyone starts hating on me for being 'anti-formula')

Here I am today 12 glorious weeks in and now with a baby who is exclusively breastfed, yay! But we did not get off to an easy start. 
Just two weeks in both myself and Harrison caught a yeast infection. I only knew this because my boobs began to feel itchy and really quite sore when Harrison was feeding. It got so sore I felt I could not feed him towards the end of the day and that we had no other choice but to offer him a bottle. That was something I really just did not want to do.
I'd been so determined that I would be breastfeeding this baby, that offering him formula made me feel like a complete failure and the guilt all came rushing in after that first formula feed. I knew deep down that feeding him no matter what was the right thing, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that I'd failed.
After a bit of googling I read up on yeast infections and noticed some more signs/symptoms. Luckily the health visitor was due back for a check up so I asked her what she thought, and after looking at Harrison's mouth she agreed we had a yeast infection and was to go straight to the doctors to get medicine to help clear it up.
Because it was painful when he fed I tried my hardest to express milk for his bottles, but as soon as I had expressed it he was drinking it, so it never really mounted up.
It was around about then that the bedtime bottle was introduced and stuck around for a good few weeks because Harrison had become used to it. 
For anyone who has been in the same boat as me I'm happy to say the guilt slowly faded and I came to terms with combination feeding. I knew that he actually needed that bedtime bottle because it made him happy.
I had lots of people who have breastfed their babies telling me to just 'keep going' 'it will get easier' and I did try several times to cut out that bottle, but he just was not happy so we stuck with it.
Fast forward to just five days ago we were doing our usual routine of getting him ready for bed, bottle made ready for him to go down, for him only to refuse it! He was hungry though because he was throwing himself about and moaning away, but he would just not take that bottle. I was shocked. I wasn't sure if boob would be enough for him as it hadn't been in the past, but I couldn't just leave him. I offered him breast and low and behold he fell asleep, satisfied. I felt proud, but I thought it was a fluke, a one off.
The next day came, bedtime rolled around and I had that bottle ready for him, for him to again refuse it! I offered him breast and he once again fell asleep satisfied. So the next evening I didn't have that bottle ready, I just offered him breast and again satisfied.
Here we are now, exclusively breastfed and I just can't quite believe it, I thought he was sure to get hooked on the bottle and end up refusing the boob, but no, he has quite surprised me.
I hope this can give other women out there, who may have felt the same as me, that there is hope. Your baby will be ready when your baby is ready.  Don't listen too much to those mums who tell you to keep going if it is too painful for you or your baby is not happy/satisfied, you need to do what is best not only for your baby, but for yourself also. Don't forget that. If you want to talk, email me or direct message me on instagram @bebe_andme

take care xo
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